Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
