I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
