I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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