you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
