she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
