he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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