well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
