My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize