You're so nebulous sometimes
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
