I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They are going to name an STD after you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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