What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
