I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
