Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
