operation have a gay friend backfired
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
