dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
