She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She bit a glass in half.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize