I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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