I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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