Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
