how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We got so high we made milksteak
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
