we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
