Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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