Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
