If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
