uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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