i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
