He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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