very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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