I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
