just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
