Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
