Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
