you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
