swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
