Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
