dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
