She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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