taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
