party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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