Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
