I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
