she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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