Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I lost the right to judge tonight
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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