My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
