I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
