That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
