Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize