You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
