I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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