do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
