he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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