Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
