Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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