this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
