You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
