We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
