I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
