One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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