Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
