Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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