i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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