According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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