I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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