So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
