Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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