this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
