"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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