dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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