I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize