4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize